Chapter 9: Watching Salt and Pepper Get It On

My knees are twitching. My hands are crawling into my sleeves, and now I’m pretty sure I am drunk. My brain is lurching around inside my skull and I can taste foam in my nose. The words to Thriller are looping through my head.

‘Cause this is thriller

thriller night

and no one’s gonna save you

from the beast about to strike!

The kitchen is a tiny apartment kitchen, with just enough room for the sink and the fridge, but there are like fifteen people crammed into it.

Tabitha is leaning against the counter across from me. She is also leaning against Marilyn. Marilyn has put her dress back on, but she pulled the top back down to let Tabitha feel her tits.

“See, they feel completely real,” Marilyn is saying. “You’d never even know if it weren’t for the scars.”

I know I should find this hot, watching my girlfriend rubbing another girl’s fake tits, but I don't. I can't, mostly because everyone in the kitchen is watching her rub the fake tits. The zombies are watching. So is Dracula. Even slutty Little Bo Peep is watching. They're slouching over their beers, not talking, not blinking, letting the scene fill their eyes up.

Michael screeches in my head.

You close your eyes

and hope that this is just imagination.

I close my eyes and the room spins.

I open my eyes; everything’s worse: Elvira fondling Marylyn. Zombies and vampires crowding in. Hot needles threading my stomach. Foamy boogers.

I fall two steps across the kitchen, brace myself for landing. Slam into Tabitha’s shoulder. Nuzzle my nose into her neck.  “Hey baby, who’s your new friend?”

“Fred …”

“You two look nice together. You’re wearing black; she’s wearing white. It’s like watching salt and pepper get it on.”

I kiss and nibble below her ear.

“Fred.”

She wrenches her head away from my teeth.

“Yeah baby?”

“Fred, stop,” she says.

“Why?”

“You’re making me uncomfortable.”

“But I’m your boyfriend.”

“No. You’re not.”

“Since when?”

“Since now. Fred, I hate to break it to you like this … but I think I might be a lesbian.”